Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
