Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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