I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my shit smells like andre
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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