i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
