I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
