So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
