he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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