guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
