I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
