How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
