I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
