i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
