i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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