their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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