I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize