i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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