Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
