i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
