She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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