if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What did we do last night that was yellow?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
