Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
