I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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