Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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