That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
