Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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