I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
