put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
