Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
