I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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