Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
