yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
