yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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