that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
