At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
