you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
