I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
