My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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