is your mom at the bar?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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