You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
