wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
