While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have fence marks all over my body
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
