He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize