i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
