My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
someone owes me an orgasm
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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