I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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