Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
