She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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