I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
