I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
