Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
