The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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