If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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