So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
