How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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