i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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