hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
