Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
