so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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