You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
