boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
