your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
