I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
