So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
