I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize