Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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