You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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