Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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