He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
