Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize