I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
