He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
