mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
