Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
