I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
