maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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