I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
